Today on Soul Fit we are going to talk about mind affairs. Are they innocent imaginations or dangerous fantasies? What does the Bible say? As always in the Soul Fit series, you can either watch or read!
What about you? Have you ever had a mind affair? A romance novel featuring you and Mr. Bulging Biceps? A Hallmark movie starring you and Chris Hemsworth? Or maybe you day dream about someone famous in your own little world.
A mind affair does not even have to be with a man you know well. Whether he is a celebrity, a fantasy or from another galaxy, any man can be elevated in your imagination and placed on the throne above God.
So exactly what is a mind affair and who can have one? Great questions. A mind affair is a romantic imagination not surrendered to Christ in which you receive emotional fulfillment from someone other than your spouse or your heavenly father.
It makes no difference whether you are married or single. Any woman can have a mind affair. Ladies, there is a fine line between realistic wishes and an obsession. Women caught up in mind affairs have distorted imaginations created by their own passions. They have made a love interest an idol of their heart.
Let’s talk about some ways to tell if you are having a mind affair.
- You dream about spending time with him (even if it’s online or at church).
- You go out of your way to run into him.
- You find ways to impress him.
- Sexual tension exists.
- You fantasize about him.
- You compare him to other men.
- If you’re married, you compare him to your spouse.
- You think about him more than your spouse.
- You feel he “gets” you better than your spouse; here’s the deal though….he doesn’t actually “get” you, he just tries as hard as your spouse used to.
- As you listened to me reading these items, you’ve began to justify your actions. “Well that’s me, but…”
An emotional affair not surrendered to the Lord can easily turn into a physical affair but even if it doesn’t get that far, an emotional affair will divide your affections and cause disappointment with your current situation or future relationship. There is no way a real man can measure up to the romantic perfection our own minds create.
Maybe you’re still wondering, what’s the harm? It’s all in my head. It’s not like I’m jumping in bed with him. An affair means it’s gone sexual, right? If that’s you, listen to what Jesus says in Matthew 5:28:
“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Just because we have never indulged in a physical affair doesn’t mean we aren’t guilty of adultery. The new covenant holds us to a higher standard. It doesn’t just measure our external actions, it judges the motives of our heart. Under the new covenant it’s possible to be innocent of a physical affair but still be guilty of adultery.
You might be thinking, seriously, Christy. How does this verse apply to me? Did you not notice, it’s talking to men? Men are the ones who lust.
If you’re thinking that, bear with me for just a moment. Let’s talk about that. Yes, men are born with a greater physical drive, but women generally lust after different things—emotional needs. That’s why I want to challenge you to consider a paraphrase of Matthew 5:28:
“But I tell you that any woman who fantasizes, longs, or yearns for a man, romance or a relationship, lustfully has already committed adultery with him in her heart.”
Mind affairs are dangerous. When we don’t surrender our thoughts to the obedience of Christ, we deny ourselves the discipline we need to grow in other areas of our lives. Our relationship will suffer as well, especially when they cause us to compare our spouse to an imaginary man. The real man will always come up short.
At the very least, mind affairs are dangerous in another aspect. Every physical affair started out as a mind affair. Physical adultery always begins in the mind.
Ladies, if you struggle with mind affairs, I want to encourage you to check out my blog for more relationship wisdom or pick up a copy of Love Junkies where I go into more detail about how to manage your imagination and live a soul healthy life.
Stay tuned on this video journey as we explore ways to improve our soul health and avoid the toxic love rut. Next, I’m going to talk about how to spot a loser. Read it or watch it here.