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Today on Soul Fit we are going to talk about how to spot a loser. You’d be surprised at how logical all the points on this list will be to you, but if you don’t have a guard over your heart, you will miss them. You’ll minimize them, or you’ll be so love struck you won’t notice them at all….until it’s too late. Why is that? Because we all have blind spots when it comes to romance.
The best dating advice I ever received I learned in from my kindergarten teacher. When crossing the street, you don’t want to get run over, so first, STOP, LOOK and LISTEN. It’s the same advice in the dating world. If you don’t stop, look and listen, you will get run over.
So here are my top 20 tips on how to spot a loser. Nobody is perfect, so don’t worry if your guy has a few of these, but if he has more than five, watch out. If he has more than 10, change your phone number or move!
- He makes excuses and doesn’t take responsibility when he makes a mistake.
- He whines and complains. The glass is always half full. There’s always something wrong and it’s never his fault.
- He’s frequently depressed or stressed out. He drinks too much, smokes too much, gambles too much. He watches porn. He has addiction issues.
- He has poor conflict resolution skills and jumps to conclusions.
- He’s not a good listener. He interrupts frequently and barely lets you talk. It’s all about him. He wants to be the center of attention.
- He is not financially secure. He doesn’t have a job or his work history is spotty. He seldom has money to pay for dates.
- He has child support issues. If he has children, pay attention to his attitude about child support and parental duties. Is he involved? Is he cordial to his ex? Is he behind on child support? Watch how he treats his children. Is he patient and tender with them? Does he bash his ex?
- He has a bad relationship with his parents. Sometimes there is a good reason for this, but you need to find out why. Ask questions. If possible, observe his interaction around his parents. Does he honor his parents or is he disrespectful?
- His friends are losers. If you don’t like his friends, watch out. A man is known by the company he keeps. If he has no friends, run. There must be a good reason and you don’t really have time to find out. He’ll smother you and expect you to be his one and only.
- He is jealous. He puts down other people’s success. He is jealous of your success. If he’s jealous now, it’s not going to get better later.
- He is critical, opinionated or judgmental. He belittles you. He is condescending and frequently sarcastic.
- He has a record. Find out why. Do a background check. Don’t tell yourself it’s none of your business. If you are going to invest your heart in a relationship, it IS your business. And don’t believe what he tells you. Do your research!
- He’s always late and doesn’t manage his time well.
- He’s a time hog and insists on rushing the relationship. He showers you with affection and gifts and quickly moves for an exclusive relationship. He wants to occupy all your free time and spend every free moment with him. At first this may seem romantic, but this is one of the ways abusive men begin to control their prey.
- He constantly flatters you. Again, this always seems romantic at first, but don’t fall for false flattery. It is another way abusive men begin to control naïve women who fall under their spell.
- He is controlling. He probably won’t try to control you until you are under his spell, but you can observe his responses to others. Watch how he acts when other people don’t act the way he wants. Listen to how he talks about conflicts he has with work, family and friends. Is he impatient or demanding? Does he over-react? If so, that will be how he treats you once the honeymoon phase is over.
- He makes empty promises. He exaggerates, embellishes the truth or worse yet, lies.
- He doesn’t take care of his health.
- He has anger management issues. He is easily angered and flies off the handle quickly. He is verbally abusive and holds grudges. He is angry or bitter about things in his past and is not concerned about working through those issues. He denies and stuffs his emotions. One day, there will be an explosion.
- He is not a spiritual leader. His faith is not important to him. If your faith is important to you, you don’t want a man that you have to drag to church. You want a man who seeks God’s wisdom, respects his commands and knows how to protect his wife and family with the power of prayer.We did go over this list very quickly.
For those of you who want to do more extensive research on how to avoid the loser trap, the 5 F’s in chapter 21 of Love Junkies discusses even more ways to evaluate a potential love interest. You can get your copy on Amazon. Click the pic. On my store page or at your local Christian bookstore.
Next, I’m going to talk about how to get rid of a grudge. Since relationships are the number one source of all offenses this is a vital subject. Watch it or read it here.