How Did You Know?

When I speak to singles groups, the question I hear more than any other question is, “How did you know John was the one?” 

EJ PhotographyBefore we were married, like most other singles, I had my “list”. I knew what I wanted. I wanted someone older, sophisticated and well established and although John was nice, he didn’t have any of those qualities. He was younger, goofy and still in college—the exact opposite of what I was looking for. Left to my own romantic discernment, I would have overlooked John. But thank goodness, God knew my list was defective. My discernment was compromised. My picker was busted: I picked the wrong man every time.   

It was a Wednesday evening after work on January 28, 1998. John had driven up from Lawton after his classes since I had invited him for dinner. With three small children, going out to eat was a rare occurrence. After dessert, we plopped down on the worn blue sofa in my TV room when John asked, “Do you mind if I pray?” To this day, I don’t even remember what his prayer was about, but what happened next, I’ll never forget:  

An overwhelming presence of peace engulfed me and I felt my heart, not my physical heart, but the heart of my soul, being knit together with John. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s the only way I can describe the supernatural experience that took place. I say “supernatural” because in the natural, I wouldn’t have picked John. He wasn’t my type.  

But here’s the deal: I never had much success in the relationship department.  God knew that without a divine revelation I would go back to devastation. 

The next morning I marched in the office and announced to my single coworker, Julie, “I’m going to marry John.” He hadn’t even proposed yet, but I knew. I knew John was God’s pick, not Christy’s pick. I knew John was a divine hook up, a heavenly match—not a good choice, but a God choice.

Later when conflicts arose in our relationship, it was this revelation that brought back peace. When tensions threaten my peace, if I run back to my heavenly Father for a fill up, my supply of strength and peace will never run out.

How about you? What revelations about relationships have helped you maintain your peace?

If you’re married, how would you encourage a single woman who asks the age old question, “How did you know he was the one?”

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5 Responses to How Did You Know?

  1. Barbara July 5, 2010 at 4:09 pm #

    After being single for 9 years, I “went out on a limb” in Jan. 2007, praying and fasting for 3 weeks, asking God specifically to bring me a mate in 2007. The first thing He told me to do was to develop a “married mind-set” as I had been used to being single for awhile; to “see” myself as a wife again.
    Next, I had to be willing to do whatever God wanted me to do to
    in connecting with the right person. In a couple of months, I felt compelled to get on a dating website. I dated 2 guys, neither of which were even remotely possible marriage mates
    Feeling discouraged, I threw the internet idea out the window,
    until I ran into someone at Victory who had met her mate on a website. She gave me the info, and I reluctantly agreed to try it.
    I signed up for only 1 month telling God if that didn’t work, I was done with the internet way of dating. I didn’t even put my picture on it! After being on it only 2 days, I saw Joe’s pic and immediately fell in love with him, his pic, his story, etc. He initiated the first date,l though for him he had no idea what I looked like, except for my brief description of myself. I fell in love first, but withheld that info from him until he fell in love with me. ( I had to know he really loved me). A year later we married. Has it been all peaches and cream? Absolutely not!
    But I love him more today than the day I met him. And in answer to the question, how did you know he was the one?
    because I “specifically prayed for him and trusted God to lead me”. And what has helped me maintain my peace in times of conflict is to always remember not only how much I love him, and that God brought us together, but also to dwell on “what I love about him” when I’m mad at him, and not his flaws.
    We believe where he needed someone to encourage him, strengthen him in the faith, and provide laughter and love after the loss of his first wife, I needed the consistent love, strength, provision, stability and faithfulness after the destructive dysfunction, and adulterous betrayal of my first spouse. So when we make each other mad by our flaws, we try to focus on how much we mean to each other, and how God put us together.

  2. Janet July 6, 2010 at 3:40 pm #

    I have been married twice and never wanted to go down that road again. While having dinner with a long time friend we both felt an attraction that was never there before. Both of us were very cautious with our hearts so we never talked about how we felt towards one another. While having dinner out my “long time” friend excused himself. I started chatting with some college students near by. They asked if that was my husband. I said no but he is the man I am going to marry. This statement just flew out of my mouth before I had time to even realize what I was saying. Later, when I excused myself to powder my nose the college students told my “friend” what I said. He kept that information to himself for many months. When it came time for us to really get serious about our feelings he told me that he knew how I felt. It was such a relief to hear he felt the same. Some may not think this was a big God thing but to me it was. Something made me blurt out the words “that is the man I am going to marry”. I know who it was. You see, I would never have had the confidence to say it myself. God used the college students as the messenger. He knew I was afraid to say them myself. We are not married yet and no date has been set but I am patient and comfortable knowing my “friend” will someday be my husband.

  3. Marta Ruffin July 7, 2010 at 8:57 pm #

    My story is a little different. My husband & I actually grew up together, & went to the same school. I had a crush on him in highschool, but, he didn’t know it. I left that area after my sophmore year, so, I didn’t see or hear from him until I had graduated. He was living in California at the time, going to school. Contacted me while visiting here, we dated, he went back to California. A while later, called me & asked me to marry him over the phone. He sent my ring through the mail. I said yes to him because I wanted a change of scenery. That was 38 years ago. I look back now & know that God was truly in the plan of everything that happened. Anything that God has for you, is for you. Nothing can stop it. Look to God to guide you.

  4. Christy Johnson July 8, 2010 at 8:00 am #

    Marta!! I’ve NEVER heard a story like that!!! I’m laughing out loud! Gives a whole new meaning to mail order bride!!!

  5. Marta Ruffin August 23, 2010 at 8:32 pm #

    I know. I think about it and have to laugh myself. I thought you would get a kick out of this one…LoL I Got a chance to live in California, and we had our first daughter there. We had a crazy beginning!!!!! You have to admit that only God could have kept this together!!!!

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