“I can’t make it to Titus 2 today. I’ll meet up with you at church,” I told John. I didn’t think I could contain the emotions that felt like they would burst at any moment. I didn’t think I could manage to talk to anyone without unleashing the bucket of tears I was trying to restrain.
Today is June 13.
A normal day. For most.
But not for me.
I didn’t remember feeling like this the last several June 13ths. But today the gray was overwhelming. I decided to dress in black in honor of Jake and my dad.
“When is it going to happen, Lord? It’s been 12 years now. I’ve shared my story to many women, but when is this dream of testifying to the multitude going to happen? Why did you put the burden of this vision on me? I’m getting weary of the wait.”
I wonder how Joseph felt when God gave him a dream and then immediately shattered all odds of that dream ever coming to pass. I wonder how Joseph felt when he correctly interpreted the dreams of his prison pals. I wonder how he felt when the cupbearer was released from prison, and then completely forgot about him. I imagine Joseph must have wondered, “Lord, you gave me the ability to interpret dreams, but what about mine? Why did you even give me this dream in the first place?”
I feel like Joseph.
I glanced at the fuchsia flower pin hanging on my jewelry board. I didn’t even know the name of the lady who gave it to me. “I love your flower,” I told her as our eyes met Wednesday evening at church. She reached for the pin. “I’ve only worn it one other time. Here,” she said. “It’s for you.”
I clipped it on my dress and left for church.
He loves me, oh how He loves me.
The words of the chorus rang in my ears.
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets…when I think about how He loves me.
I caught a glimpse of the diamond in the middle of my flower.
Maintaining regrets. Me? How could I? I squeezed John’s hand and smiled. As the words soaked into my spirit, I shifted my attitude. His glory shines against my sorrow like a diamond in a black velvet box.
When God Shows Up
Both my son Jake and my father passed away on June 13, eight years apart. I had no party planned for such a celebration, but God had something special in mind. A bunch of Garrett’s friends piled in the car after church to come over and hang out. On the way home Jenny asked me, “Miss Christy, do you mind if we make cookies again?” I couldn’t contain my tears. She didn’t know what day it was. All I could think was how sweet of God to surround me with joy and bring a party of kids to cebrate my dad and Jake’s homecoming.
After the cookie feast, they all gathered in the living room and Luke grabbed his guitar. I asked him if he knew “Oh How He Loves Us”. When he started playing, I said, “Stop! I want this on my ipod.” Now you can join in the celebration. You gotta hear Luke’s voice. He’s anointed!
Luke Oh How He Loves Us.mp3
What about you? When longsuffering, despair or regret threaten your peace, how do you get back on track?