“I can’t make it to Titus 2 today. I’ll meet up with you at church,” I told John. I didn’t think I could contain the emotions that felt like they would burst at any moment. I didn’t think I could manage to talk to anyone without unleashing the bucket of tears I was trying to restrain.
Today is June 13.
A normal day. For most.
But not for me.
I didn’t remember feeling like this the last several June 13ths. But today the gray was overwhelming. I decided to dress in black in honor of Jake and my dad.
“When is it going to happen, Lord? It’s been 12 years now. I’ve shared my story to many women, but when is this dream of testifying to the multitude going to happen? Why did you put the burden of this vision on me? I’m getting weary of the wait.”
I wonder how Joseph felt when God gave him a dream and then immediately shattered all odds of that dream ever coming to pass. I wonder how Joseph felt when he correctly interpreted the dreams of his prison pals. I wonder how he felt when the cupbearer was released from prison, and then completely forgot about him. I imagine Joseph must have wondered, “Lord, you gave me the ability to interpret dreams, but what about mine? Why did you even give me this dream in the first place?”
I feel like Joseph.
Often.
I glanced at the fuchsia flower pin hanging on my jewelry board. I didn’t even know the name of the lady who gave it to me. “I love your flower,” I told her as our eyes met Wednesday evening at church. She reached for the pin. “I’ve only worn it one other time. Here,” she said. “It’s for you.”
I clipped it on my dress and left for church.
He loves me, oh how He loves me.
The words of the chorus rang in my ears.
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets…when I think about how He loves me.
I caught a glimpse of the diamond in the middle of my flower.
Maintaining regrets. Me? How could I? I squeezed John’s hand and smiled. As the words soaked into my spirit, I shifted my attitude. His glory shines against my sorrow like a diamond in a black velvet box.
Today is going to be a beautiful day! 
When God Shows Up
Both my son Jake and my father passed away on June 13, eight years apart. I had no party planned for such a celebration, but God had something special in mind. A bunch of Garrett’s friends piled in the car after church to come over and hang out. On the way home Jenny asked me, “Miss Christy, do you mind if we make cookies again?” I couldn’t contain my tears. She didn’t know what day it was. All I could think was how sweet of God to surround me with joy and bring a party of kids to cebrate my dad and Jake’s homecoming.
After the cookie feast, they all gathered in the living room and Luke grabbed his guitar. I asked him if he knew “Oh How He Loves Us”. When he started playing, I said, “Stop! I want this on my ipod.” Now you can join in the celebration. You gotta hear Luke’s voice. He’s anointed!
Luke Oh How He Loves Us.mp3
What about you? When longsuffering, despair or regret threaten your peace, how do you get back on track?
Thank you so much Christy for sharing your pain and also how God has anointed your ministry. I could identify so much with your “calling” and “burden” to share what God has done in your life. In 1997 I knew God was calling me to some type of ministry. My visit to China that summer was not it, nor was it following the two divorces I encountered within a three year period. As God delivered me from a near death experience in Dec. ’09, I knew I had a purpose. It was to learn how to bring Him glory. After searching this question during weeks of recovery, I found the answer. It is by being ‘faithful’ that he is glorified most. God gave me a promise in Isaiah 62 and Rev. 2:17. I do have a divine appointment and God reveal it in time. There is a book on my heart to write; after several years of fighting it, I’m beginning to allow God to fan into flame the gift that is within me. Praise to our mighty Father who allows us opportunities to share His mercy and His grace.
I love it when God shows up and shows off! That’s my Dad! It’s usually when you least expect it!
God can turn anything around. There is strength in our praise. deliverance in singing, praying & reading God’s word. When I feel like I am getting a little overwhelemed or weary, I break out in a song, prayer or some of my favorite scriptures that I have memorized. It truly is about being transformed by renewing our minds in God’s word, keeping our minds stayed on him & his peace that passes all understanding will keep our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus,
Christy … I want to say “thank you” to you for being faithful to God’s call on your life. You have touched my life with encouragement and hope several times and you probbly didn’t even know it. Obedience is truly better than sacrifice. Your hug at church last night and the fact that you came over to talk to me really ministered to my life. I went home with a new attitude of praise in my heart and knowing that God is in control of my life and knows exactly where I am at this moment in time and has my life in His hand. I just need to stayed focused on Him and His Word and leave everything to Him in His due time. You are an awesome vessel in His mighty hand and I want you to know you are a tremendous blessing. You have been through so much heartache and yet you keep an attitude of praise and go forth in His anointing. Thank you for being a friend.
Miriam, Thank you so much! You gave me a flower and God is giving us a friendship!