The Lips of an Adulterous Man

counter 1000Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? Have you ever felt deceived by flattery and empty promises? Maybe you’ve been with an adulterous man. Now there is a term that we don’t often used when referring to the male species, but, honestly, where did we get the idea that only women can act deceitfully in order to lure?

When I think of the adjective, adulterous, I often think of a woman engaged in prostitution, but check out the other translations for the word adulteress: the Hebrew word zür translates adulterous to also mean someone who is wicked, a stranger, a foreigner or an enemy. That gives an entirely different slant on the following passage from Proverbs 5.

I took a little liberty to change the pronouns used in the verse. So humor me for a moment because I think it might be helpful to look at the scripture from a different perspective. Often when text uses the pronoun, “he “, scripture is really referring to both the masculine and feminine. So many of us, however, have read these particular scriptures and only thought they pertained to men. If we change the gender pronouns, here’s how Proverbs 5:3–4 reads:

For the lips of the adulterous man drip honey, and his speech is smoother than oil; but in the end he is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword (Proverbs 5:3-4).

Ladies, does that sound like some men you know? There’s a lot of wisdom in this chapter for women who are attracted to toxic relationships. Men can have speech smoother than oil. Man can woo us with their words. Deceitful words. Empty promises. Flattery meant to entice us into their trap so they can control us. The problem is that although they may be deceitful we often don’t recognize it until it’s too late.

until the dagger has pierced our heart.

So listen carefully to the next few verses. I’ve included two versions of the NIV Life Application Study Bible because of the way each articulates what we jeopardize. You will see that bolded.

Now then, at my daughters, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say. Keep to a path far from him, do not go near the door of his house, lest you give your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel (Proverbs 5:7-9 NIV Life Application Study Bible ©1984).

Now then, my daughters, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say. Keep to a path far from him, do not go near the door of his house, lest you lose your honor to others and your dignity to one who is cruel (Proverbs 5:7-9 NIV Life Application Study Bible ©2011).

My friend, when your gut tells you that a man is using flattery or that his motives don’t seem quite right, trust your gut! The Spirit testifies with our spirit. He warns us! Heed the warning. It’s a sign that the road is closed! Do not enter.

stop signs

  • Don’t get involved or give your heart to a man that gives you that feeling.
  • Don’t minimize his behavior.
  • Don’t make excuses for him.
  • Don’t tell yourself that you’re imagining things.
  • Don’t tell yourself that he will change.
  • Don’t tell yourself that once he falls in love with you things will get better.
  • Don’t fall for the lie that a ring or a wedding will motivate him to change.

Instead run! Run for your life. Don’t give your best strength to others or your years to one who is cruel. Save your heart for someone who will not only honor his word but honor your heart and fully cherish you for the valuable woman you are. God created you special. Only a man that honors you with his actions is worthy of your heart.

May I declare His truthMay I pray for you?

Father, I lift of my sister who is struggling today with hurts from the past and present that have wounded her heart. Heal her from the words and actions of men who were supposed to love and adore her like you do. Heal her from the shattered self-image that tells her she deserved shame, abandonment or abuse. Bring restoration and healing. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

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9 Responses to The Lips of an Adulterous Man

  1. Brooke June 2, 2018 at 8:42 pm #

    If you don’t listen to your gut and run, but instead make the excuses and marry the man, what then? What about when he says he’s genuinely trying to change, get counseling and be different? I am there. I have no desire left to be here or to give him any more chances. How can I leave when God gives us an infinite amount of chances? I have no idea what to do.

    • Christy Johnson June 4, 2018 at 8:18 am #

      We get ourselves into trouble by making excuses, but the situation won’t get better just by leaving…or staying and holding a grudge because you have no desire left to give him any more chances. I’d encourage you to learn how to set some healthy boundaries to ensure that you no longer tolerate unacceptable behavior and guard your heart from further offenses. To help with that, I’ll be rolling out some group coaching courses soon. Look for details in email:)

  2. Nancy July 10, 2018 at 8:47 am #

    All I’ve ever known is unhealthy relationships. From my dad to my 2 husbands. Now I’m 60 and alone. I know God has a plan for me because He loves me. I wish I had this information 30 years ago. Christy, you are so wise. Thank you for publishing this information for the young women that are searching today.
    My prayer is I don’t grow old alone.

    • Christy Johnson July 10, 2018 at 10:13 am #

      Nancy, forget the former things. God redeems the time. And Joel 2:25 says, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.”

  3. Lisa January 12, 2019 at 8:22 am #

    Nancy, I am 52 and share in your sorrow. Hindsight is bittersweet! Bitter because of the pain , suffering, and yuck….but sweet because when we are tested again, we will know better! We don’t have to spend the rest of our lives with men void of Godly character! We now have the chance to learn how to have healthy relationships so that the next time we are tested, we will pass the tests! So thankful for Christy—The Lord has surely sent her to help us and so many others! May God richly bless you, comfort you, and guide you!

    • Christy Johnson January 14, 2019 at 4:17 pm #

      The truth is that even in a relationship we can feel alone. Even in a crowded room we can feel alone. The alone feeling comes when we are oblivious to God’s presence. I was just telling another reader that when I was much younger, I hated being alone. I always felt alone, rejected and unworthy. I used to immediately turn on the TV or radio as soon as I walked into my apartment. In fact, my light switch activated it because I needed noise to drown out the alone feeling. A few years ago I was driving in my car and realized I’d been driving a lot without the radio on and love it. As I was contemplating how peaceful it was and how different it was to the way I used to be the Lord said, “It’s because you never feel alone. You always feel me right here with you.” I’m telling you it’s so true. I feel his presence so much these days that sometimes I long for times to just be alone. Such a switch!! When we intentionally pursue him, He shows up with peace and joy and confidence. Security, hope. When we invite His presence, He fills in the blank spaces. I’d venture to say, that until we learn how to embrace His presence, a relationship will never be rich enough to satisfy us.

  4. Regina Adkison August 10, 2019 at 4:29 am #

    Thank you so much. I appreciate these devotions and truths.
    God fill my (and others) empty places and more than that help me get rid of hurts, rejection, loneliness, fear and all the other stuff that takes up room so He can fill those places too. God fill my empty places with His love, healing, and His presence. May I (we) be receptive of Him and all He has for me (us ) knowing my (our) identity and worth in Him.

  5. Darlene November 1, 2019 at 12:02 am #

    So I met this guy who lives in Scotland and he swept me off my feet. And I decided I wanted to go meet him face to face and bought a ticket to go there in December. The same day I found out he was sleeping with this girl. He ended it with her. It had only gone on a week. He claims that he only did it because he thought I would never really come see him. He asked me to give him a second chance. I have also found out since then that he has a temper, but he is also epileptic and I think disabled mentally honestly and I still have strong feelings for him. Plus I don’t want to waste the money I spent on the ticket. Should I be giving him a second chance knowing that he cheated on me already? I also had a sexual conversation with a man online and I think it was mostly because I’m so hurt over this and I wanted to get back at him but I haven’t told him about it yet. I’m just in such a bad place in my head.

    • Crystal November 3, 2019 at 6:51 pm #

      Darlene: It seems like he may not value the relationship that you have as much as you do. Your willingness to pay for a ticket overseas, no matter how successful and capable you are of paying for the ticket, may indicate to him that you are vulnerable and easy prey. Also, if you accept his cheating now, he will expect you to accept the same and maybe worse in the future. Run away!! One more thing – don’t entertain any sexual conversations unless the man shows you he wants commitment. Focus on God and He will show you who is for you.

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