What Relationship Addiction Looks Like

Below is a list of common attributes and false beliefs that women battling relationship addiction often have. Read through the list and check the ones you identify with. If you can relate to several of the bulleted items, chances are you struggle with relationship addiction. Before you get started, however, I have a confession to make: I would have completely flunked this test years ago, because I would have checked every single item. So don’t be too hard on yourself. There is hope. Recognizing our problems is half of the battle. Identifying our issues is the first step to getting soul-healthy. Once we identify what we need to work on, we can move on to finding solutions.

  • You think your happiness is tied to your relationship.
  • You can’t imagine not being in a relationship. If you aren’t in one, you are always looking.
  • You leave one unhealthy relationship only to find yourself drawn back into another one just as toxic.
  • You fall for what men say and ignore what they do.
  • Although you desire a man to be the spiritual leader, you often compromise your faith or settle for men with whom you are not equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).
  • You think you can pray away all of your partner’s character flaws.
  • You have many blind spots and are not good at judging character.
  • When you do notice red flags, rather than judge, you choose to “see the best” in others. Instead of acknowledging the character issues, you often minimize or ignore them.
  • You are committed to a fault.
  • You think God needs you to help change your partner.
  • You have false guilt and feel overly responsible for others.
  • You lack the resolve to stand up against unrighteousness. You have weak boundaries.
  • Your commitment is more important than your pain.
  • It’s hard to be yourself in a relationship. Instead you cater to the needs, opinions and demands of your partner.
  • You fantasize and daydream about how another relationship would eliminate your current heartache.
  • You think that since you’re a Christian, you should comply with your mate’s requests, even when it means you must compromise what you believe.
  • A relationship makes you forget the pain of your issues.
  • You esteem the approval of men over the approval of Christ.
  • You use relationships to fill a void.
  • You choose men who don’t have the capacity to love or commit.
  • You choose men you can fix. You focus on their problems and ignore your own.
  • You settle for less. Often you choose men who are beneath you due to our own insecurities and self-loathing.
  • You think romantic relationships will ease your loneliness and pain.
  • You think love is about suffering.
  • You find yourself thinking, “If only my mate would change, I could be happy.”

If you need wisdom and direction to change these faulty mindsets about relationships, please make yourself at home here. There’s plenty of videos, e-books and blog posts to help you break the toxic love rut. And if you’d like some one-on-one advice, check out my coaching programs.

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10 Responses to What Relationship Addiction Looks Like

  1. Stephen foister at #

    Most of what you teach from what I’ve read so far is directed toward women I wanted to let you know that’s so far I have found this very helpful and insightful and hard to hear due to the fact it’s me and I’m hurting because of this thinking I thank God that I found your devotional on my Bible app I’m going to bookmark your website and do the devotional I’ve been hurt so bad because of this kind of thinking please continue to pray for me please and maybe think about writing a book two men who are like this because we are out there and we do have some of this destructive thinking about ourselves I have spent my life being a people-pleaser and struggled with my self-esteem because it comes from the perspective I’m I’m not good enough and I can’t make people happy and I realize that’s not my job but it hasn’t stopped at times God bless you all and have a great day

    • Christy Johnson at #

      Yes, Stephen, you are right. Much of what I write applies to men as well. My 2nd husband and I (John and I have been married 20 years, so he is not the one I write about in Love Junkies) taught these principles in our singles ministry before I wrote Love Junkies. BUT, the vision the Lord gave me involved me standing on a mountain top with Jesus and a with a single file line of women were traveling up. So, I know my ministry is supposed to be for women. Maybe my husband will write a book:) Keep reading though! And if you want another super helpful dating post, subscribe here and you’ll get my Dating Digest that comes with my Relationship Risk Assessment. I know it says, Foolproof ways to know if he’s right for you, but it could easily read, Foolproof ways to know if she’s right for you. http://www.christyjohnson.org/dating-digest/

  2. Nancy Wilkinson at #

    BINGO!!!! You just told my store. I had to smile several times while reading “a list of common attributes and false beliefs “ because it is me thru and thru. I look forward to watching your videos and sharing this website with my friends.
    Thank you so much!!!

    • Christy Johnson at #

      There are many more of us Nancy! Thanks for being a conduit and sharing the wisdom!

      • Ms. Cameron Curry at #

        I have put myself in so many of these things you have listed. In happens over and over again. Lately I havent emotionally been beating myself up because of falling hard in love, thinking I have seen the best in someone, and not paid attention to the fact I deserve so much better.

  3. Olivia at #

    Thank you Christy,

    Once again you got me. I actually ticked most of those statements. But I’m so glad nit all because they have come at a time when I have begun my healing journey.

    A time like this last year, I was too raw but I’m in a better place right now. I could have lost it if it wasn’t for God.

    Continue helping us move.

  4. Yolanda Gonzalez at #

    I checked off all of them, wow! But on the road OUT! So happy you are talking about this in a REAL way.

  5. Melinda Hintz at #

    Big sigh , I checked off a lot of
    The list . It hits really hard , I had no idea k had relationship addiction. I knew I had issues I mean I have had three toxic relationships in a row. Trying to leave the one I’m in now. I’m thankful I didn’t check off the whole
    List, so I’m not hopeless 😩. But I look
    Forward to reading more
    What you have to say. I’m pray for God to help
    Receive. And heal. Thank you Jesus!

  6. Quinn at #

    Thanks Christy, your are truly a blessing. I checked the entire list. Amen and ouch at the same time…lol…but you don’t know what you don’t know…

    • Christy Johnson at #

      Yes, but once our eyes are open, look out! Revelation creates transformation!

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