You don’t fall into love addiction overnight.
It happens slowly… quietly… subtly.
At first, it looks like love. It feels like connection and chemistry.
But over time, something begins to feel off.
You start losing yourself… trying harder… needing more.
And before you know it, you’re no longer choosing the relationship… you’re emotionally dependent on it.
You Might Be Caught in Love Addiction If…
- You feel anxious when there’s distance or silence
- You overthink texts, tone, and interactions
- You ignore red flags because you “see the good in him”
- You stay longer than you should, hoping things will change
- You feel emotionally high when things are good… and crushed when they’re not
- You struggle to walk away—even when you know it’s unhealthy
This isn’t weakness. It’s a pattern. And patterns can be broken.
Friend, there are a lot more characteristics of love addiction, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you. (You can see the entire list at the end of this post.) And to be honest, there was a time when I would have checked every single item!
So if you found yourself identifying with the abbreviated list above (or the huge list below), don’t be too hard on yourself. There is hope. Recognizing your vulnerabilities is half of the restoration process. Once you identify what you need to work on, healing solutions are more fruitful.
Because, here’s the truth: At the root, love addiction and emotional dependency are rarely about the relationship itself.
It’s about:
- unmet emotional needs
- fear of abandonment
- longing to feel chosen, valued, or secure
So the relationship becomes a place to get relief instead of a place to build something healthy.
When you stay stuck in this pattern you lose clarity. You override your instincts and tolerate behavior that hurts you. Eventually you become more focused on him than on yourself and slowly you start abandoning yourself to keep the relationship.
Healing doesn’t mean you have to become cold or guarded, but it does mean you become:
- grounded
- aware
- emotionally steady
- anchored in truth
It means learning to say: “I can care… without losing myself.”
Everything changes when you begin to recognize that a relationship can’t heal what hasn’t been addressed within.
Awareness is where healing begins. Because once you see the pattern…you can finally choose something different: YOU!
If this stirred something in you, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure this out on your own.
Want deeper, personal support? Book a free discovery call and we’ll talk through what’s really going on beneath the surface
Or if you’re ready to go deeper:
→ Love U Again (boundaries)
→ Let Go & Thrive (forgiveness)
Ok, for those of you who want to see the entire list…Here is how I used to live before I found freedom.
If you’re honest or brave, identify the ones you relate with. But as you read this list, I want you to know one thing: There is no shame in identifying your vulnerabilities because healing can only begin when honesty confronts weakness.
- You think your happiness is tied to your relationship.
- You can’t imagine not being in a relationship. If you aren’t in one, you are always looking.
- You leave one unhealthy relationship only to find yourself drawn back into another one just as toxic.
- You fall for what men say and ignore what they do.
- Although you desire a man to be the spiritual leader, you often compromise your faith or settle for men with whom you are not equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).
- You think you can pray away all of your partner’s character flaws.
- Your blind spots cause you to ignore character issues.
- You compromise, and minimize or overlook red flags.
- You are committed to a fault.
- You think God needs you to help change your partner.
- You have false guilt and feel overly responsible for others.
- You lack the resolve to stand up against unrighteousness. You have weak boundaries.
- Your commitment is more important than your pain.
- It’s hard to be yourself in a relationship. Instead you cater to the needs, opinions and demands of your partner.
- You fantasize and daydream about how another relationship would eliminate your current heartache.
- You think that since you’re a Christian, you should comply with your mate’s requests, even when it means you must compromise what you believe.
- A relationship makes you forget the pain of your issues.
- You esteem the approval of men over the approval of Christ.
- You use relationships to fill a void.
- You choose men who don’t have the capacity to love or commit.
- You choose men you can fix. You focus on their problems and ignore your own.
- You settle for less in relationships due to our own insecurities.
- You think romantic relationships will ease your loneliness and pain.
- You think love is about suffering.
- You find yourself thinking, “If only my mate would change, I could be happy.”
Most of what you teach from what I’ve read so far is directed toward women I wanted to let you know that’s so far I have found this very helpful and insightful and hard to hear due to the fact it’s me and I’m hurting because of this thinking I thank God that I found your devotional on my Bible app I’m going to bookmark your website and do the devotional I’ve been hurt so bad because of this kind of thinking please continue to pray for me please and maybe think about writing a book two men who are like this because we are out there and we do have some of this destructive thinking about ourselves I have spent my life being a people-pleaser and struggled with my self-esteem because it comes from the perspective I’m I’m not good enough and I can’t make people happy and I realize that’s not my job but it hasn’t stopped at times God bless you all and have a great day
Yes, Stephen, you are right. Much of what I write applies to men as well. My 2nd husband and I (John and I have been married 20 years, so he is not the one I write about in Love Junkies) taught these principles in our singles ministry before I wrote Love Junkies. BUT, the vision the Lord gave me involved me standing on a mountain top with Jesus and a with a single file line of women were traveling up. So, I know my ministry is supposed to be for women. Maybe my husband will write a book:) Keep reading though! And if you want another super helpful dating post, subscribe here and you’ll get my Dating Digest that comes with my Relationship Risk Assessment. I know it says, Foolproof ways to know if he’s right for you, but it could easily read, Foolproof ways to know if she’s right for you. https://www.christyjohnson.org/dating-digest/
BINGO!!!! You just told my store. I had to smile several times while reading “a list of common attributes and false beliefs “ because it is me thru and thru. I look forward to watching your videos and sharing this website with my friends.
Thank you so much!!!
There are many more of us Nancy! Thanks for being a conduit and sharing the wisdom!
I have put myself in so many of these things you have listed. In happens over and over again. Lately I havent emotionally been beating myself up because of falling hard in love, thinking I have seen the best in someone, and not paid attention to the fact I deserve so much better.
Thank you Christy,
Once again you got me. I actually ticked most of those statements. But I’m so glad nit all because they have come at a time when I have begun my healing journey.
A time like this last year, I was too raw but I’m in a better place right now. I could have lost it if it wasn’t for God.
Continue helping us move.
I checked off all of them, wow! But on the road OUT! So happy you are talking about this in a REAL way.
Big sigh , I checked off a lot of
The list . It hits really hard , I had no idea k had relationship addiction. I knew I had issues I mean I have had three toxic relationships in a row. Trying to leave the one I’m in now. I’m thankful I didn’t check off the whole
List, so I’m not hopeless 😩. But I look
Forward to reading more
Of
What you have to say. I’m pray for God to help
Me
Receive. And heal. Thank you Jesus!
Thanks Christy, your are truly a blessing. I checked the entire list. Amen and ouch at the same time…lol…but you don’t know what you don’t know…
Yes, but once our eyes are open, look out! Revelation creates transformation!
I read the plan when love uses gaslighting, I added my husband to the plan hoping it would shine some light on our experiences and though I took a lot from it he seems to feel like I’m still the issue. We pray, together, read our Bibles, and go to church but he is a true narcissist who constantly focuses on my flaws and likes to gaslight me all the time. He also love bombs me,
It’s like one minute he is full of affection and the next he is tearing me down. I have since filed for divorce and
Now he’s trying to woo me into staying which makes me confused some days and others I can see what he’s doing. Please continue to pray for me.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, Shereta! I pray God will guide you with the right decision. I’m living this same life just 3 years into my second marriage. It’s terrible.