Dater’s Ed
A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. Proverbs 12:26
My church’s website advertises: Hope is just a click away. That would be a great slogan for a dating site. I love dating services. Well…not anymore. I’m married now. But that’s how I met John.
Ha.
Before online dating services like eHarmony and Match.com® there were telephone dating services. Trust me, they didn’t have the stamp of approval that singles sites have today. I was one of the lab rats that paved the way for singles today. Adventuring into electronic social circles to find romance was risky business-but I was desperate.
“Be careful,” my friends warned. “He might be lying about who he is.”
Really? Some guys lie?
“He could be a rapist.”
Oh, and the guy you met in line at Target buying panty hose for his “sister” is safe? And what about the dream guy from the carwash? Don’t tell me he comes with a warranty?
But like a decent friend, I silenced my thoughts with a polite response.”I’m being careful.”
“Why don’t you just try to find a guy in church?” they would query.
“It’s not like church is the only place to meet guys. Besides, my calendar only shows one Sunday every week and I don’t have all year.”
In all honesty, I was glad my friends were concerned. They had good reason. I’ve had my share of dating disasters. Why couldn’t a relationship have dummy lights like my vehicle-a little warning light that blinks or beeps to signal danger? This would be very helpful. I’ve dated a lot of hot Rods and too many devils in Dockers.
Truth is there are counterfeits everywhere. Even in church. I once met a guy in service. He was full of the spirit alright. His best friends were Bud Wiser, Johnny Walker, C. Graham Seven and Jack Daniels. They were all in church with him that morning. You could almost see smell their praises ascending into heaven.
Stained glass and choir lofts attract other great pretenders. The kind of guys that walk their dog in the park to attract women-they do it in church too. Not walk dogs…but carry things.
To attract women.
Like Bibles.
A Bible can be a great chic magnet. Makes even gangsters and car salesmen look safe. Friendly. Trustworthy. Especially if it has his own name engraved on it. Now, I’m not knocking car salesmen and guys who tote Bibles. Most of these guys are legit. But some are merely veneer. Stay clear. You’ve seen them-the fake Jakes and faux Pauls.
That’s why it’s imperative that you not only take Daters Ed but cover yourself with wisdom and accountability. We all have blind spots when it comes to love. When I’m driving, I have to look over my shoulder before switching lanes. Without a rear-view mirror, I may crash and burn.
So take things slow when you are getting to know a guy. And the same goes for you guys too. I mean, come on.
Employers check references.
Banks require collateral.
Apartments demand a security deposit.
But singles everywhere hop in a relationship and drive it faster than a Maserati, risking their most valuable possession-their heart. Too many singles assume that everything a potential love interest says is certified but everyone puts their best foot forward in the beginning of a relationship. That’s why it is so important to complete an inspection. Evaluating character takes time but one thing is certain-the truth comes out eventually.
Just don’t get in a hurry. Slow down. Look over your shoulder and proceed with caution.
Everyone assumes I met my spouse in the house.
Ha.
Before online dating services like eHarmony and Match.com® there were telephone dating services. Trust me, they didn’t have the stamp of approval that singles sites have today. I was one of the lab rats that paved the way for singles today. Adventuring into electronic social circles to find romance was risky business-but I was desperate.
“Be careful,” my friends warned. “He might be lying about who he is.”
Really? Some guys lie?
“He could be a rapist.”
Oh, and the guy you met in line at Target buying panty hose for his “sister” is safe? And what about the dream guy from the carwash? Don’t tell me he comes with a warranty?
But like a decent friend, I silenced my thoughts with a polite response.”I’m being careful.”
“Why don’t you just try to find a guy in church?” they would query.
“It’s not like church is the only place to meet guys. Besides, my calendar only shows one Sunday every week and I don’t have all year.”
In all honesty, I was glad my friends were concerned. They had good reason. I’ve had my share of dating disasters. Why couldn’t a relationship have dummy lights like my vehicle-a little warning light that blinks or beeps to signal danger? This would be very helpful. I’ve dated a lot of hot Rods and too many devils in Dockers.
Truth is there are counterfeits everywhere. Even in church. I once met a guy in service. He was full of the spirit alright. His best friends were Bud Wiser, Johnny Walker, C. Graham Seven and Jack Daniels. They were all in church with him that morning. You could almost see smell their praises ascending into heaven.
Stained glass and choir lofts attract other great pretenders. The kind of guys that walk their dog in the park to attract women-they do it in church too. Not walk dogs…but carry things.
To attract women.
Like Bibles.
A Bible can be a great chic magnet. Makes even gangsters and car salesmen look safe. Friendly. Trustworthy. Especially if it has his own name engraved on it. Now, I’m not knocking car salesmen and guys who tote Bibles. Most of these guys are legit. But some are merely veneer. Stay clear. You’ve seen them-the fake Jakes and faux Pauls.
That’s why it’s imperative that you not only take Daters Ed but cover yourself with wisdom and accountability. We all have blind spots when it comes to love. When I’m driving, I have to look over my shoulder before switching lanes. Without a rear-view mirror, I may crash and burn.
So take things slow when you are getting to know a guy. And the same goes for you guys too. I mean, come on.
Employers check references.
Banks require collateral.
Apartments demand a security deposit.
But singles everywhere hop in a relationship and drive it faster than a Maserati, risking their most valuable possession-their heart. Too many singles assume that everything a potential love interest says is certified but everyone puts their best foot forward in the beginning of a relationship. That’s why it is so important to complete an inspection. Evaluating character takes time but one thing is certain-the truth comes out eventually.
Just don’t get in a hurry. Slow down. Look over your shoulder and proceed with caution.
If you don’t, your passion may go crashing.
Prayer: Lord, help me to be cautious when I’m considering new friendships or dating interests. Give me the wisdom to choose companions who love you and follow your ways. I pray that you will send people with whom I can be accountable and who will be direct enough to advise me of character issues that I am oblivious to. Please protect my heart from those who may take advantage of me and are not honest with their intentions. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Unfortunately, something happened to this post and my comments so I had to repost it. I can’t identify all of the commenters, but here they are:
The internet dating worked for me because I was able to ask way more questions via e-mail before I met my husband,
than I would have thought about asking in person.
In findng him, and going through the process of eliminating those that would have been “disaster matches”, I was able to save myself and the person I was dating heartache and grief
over breaking it off after a few dates.
At least with doing alot of your homework before you even meet, you have a lot better chance of your date possibly being the right guy or girl.
Also, it seems that church relationships though wonderful, don’t seem to turn into dates for most seekers, for whatever reason.
Hey Christy,
Dang it! I thought it was going to have alot of Daters Education. I respond very well to clear and direct instructions using small words and pictures. I can’t really comment much on the subject matter at hand, since you have to be, or have been, in some recent type or manner of relationship to appreciate and discuss the problems of dating and/or “screening a potential applicant”. My biggest problem right now and for a considerable period of time has been FINDING A DATE. I could blog on that one real good. I think I’m doing all the right things, like leaving my front door unlocked at night and always spending time at the vegetable section of the grocery store every time I visit ( even though I don’t buy anything ), as well as, trying to look lonely while walking very , very slowly to my car after church service. However, none of these strategically tactical plans seem to be working very well at the present time. I think I need a new business model, or maybe just a new strategic Marketing Plan.
New paragraph with Adult Supervision:
On a more serious note, I agree that the “dot com” dating services do provide a little more hedge towards quality dates than the “everyone for themselves” approach that you and I grew up in. Like you, I didn’t meet my ex-wife ( spouse ) in Church either. But I really would like for my next “date-partner-relationship-whatever” to come from a Christian Woman and that is in fact, my continued prayer to God. There are no guarantees or assurances of quality when it comes to selecting potential partners to begin the dating process. However, I do believe that our sincere prayers to God in these matters, just like all other matters of our life, represent and provide the single greatest chance for us to achieve success in our selection of potential partner(s).
I just had a funny thought. Can you imagine me “chit-chating” and talking on-line with a woman in some ( dot.com ) dating service e-mail or IM enviornment? I don’t think I better try one of those automated dating selection and soul mate provider computerized programs created and driven only by the implied warranty to the owners of financial rewards. I’m gonna give God and me some more time on this matter.
Love you Christy….keep on writing….and remember you won’t hurt my feelings if you don’t post my blog! We writers should never forget our responsibility to protect, sometimes with mass editing, the Mental Health of the General Public.
Respectfully Submitted,
Rocky Lee Tinsley
Right on! Very well stated : ) Thanks for watching out for us singles!! Blessing : )
Very cute!!!!! And oh so true! My sis would love this. She met her husband on MY Space. Now that’s a story for the grandkids!!