Here’s the 2nd video in the Soul Fit series, How to Avoid the 2 Biggest Mistakes Women Make in a New Relationship. Watch the video or read the transcript below. If you enjoy, please share with women everywhere.
Hi, I’m Christy Johnson, Soul Health Coach & author of Love Junkies, 7 Steps for Breaking the Toxic Relationship Cycle.
Today on Soul Fit we are going to talk about the two biggest mistakes women make in a new relationship.
And the first one is this: Connecting emotionally too soon. And why do women do this? Because as emotional beings we long for a man to cherish us. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with our emotions. God wants us to be emotionally connected. That is one of the greatest blessings a marriage can have. But the greatest asset you own is your heart. Giving your heart to someone who is unable to cherish it is dangerous.
Proverbs 4:23 says above all else guard your heart, for out of it flow the issues of life.
Trust me, if you don’t guard your heart, issues will flow. The best way to guard your heart is to sit back and watch.
The second biggest mistake women make in a new relationship is believing everything a guy says. That’s just plain hazardous. You are asking for trouble. My advice: Don’t believe a word he says. Let it go in one ear and out the other. You are in a watch and wait mode.
Before you give your heart away, before you allow a man to have full access to your emotions, you have to evaluate whether or not he is trustworthy. And ladies, that takes time. It takes time to evaluate character.
You can’t go to a bank and just tell them you’re good for a mortgage. They are going to check your credit. You can’t apply for a job and just tell them you can do it, they’re going to ask for an application and a resume. Then, they’re going to bring you in for an interview and check your references. If you want to buy a gun, you will have a background criminal check. You can’t even volunteer at a church program without submitting to a background check. They have a responsibility to ensure that those who work with their members, children and youth are safe. All these places evaluate character to protect their assets.
Ladies, your heart is an asset. And it is worth more than rubies. You are the only one who can protect it. It’s up to YOU to guard your heart. Don’t give it away to the first guy you tells you you are the one he’s been looking for all his life. Don’t believe what he says. The way you guard your heart is to watch him. Watch him close. Watch the way he talks about his mom. If he disses her, guess who else he will disrespect? Watch the way he spends money. Watch and wait. Watch to see if his actions align with what comes out of his mouth. And my best advice is this: Wait for something bad to happen.
Wait for something bad to happen? I know what you’re thinking. Why would I want to do that? Because you want to see how he reacts when things don’t go his way. Any guy can keep his game on when he’s winning. It’s only when issues arise, when adversity comes, when he gets squeezed, when things don’t go his way, that’s when the real guy stands up. That’s when you know what’s really on the inside.
You see, true character is a lot like underwear. You hope everyone is wearing some, but it’s only when they bend over that you can tell for sure.
Watch how he responds to the irritations of life. Does he have grace or blow up? Is he patient or demanding? Does he blame or take responsibility when he is at fault?
Don’t fall for what a guy says. Watch his actions and behavior. Don’t give your heart away until you’ve seen the real guy stand up. Stay tuned on this video journey as we explore ways to improve our soul health and avoid the toxic love rut. Next, I’m going to talk about 5 ways to improve your confidence so don’t miss it. You can read it or watch it here.
This is truth! We don’t know the value of our heart (sometimes because we grew up not being cherished or valued as a person). We must learn our true identity in Christ and know that our hearts are more valuable than rubies. Only then will we believe we are worthy of a man who is noble and full of integrity. Carefully watch that their lives match their words. (I learned this the hard way–a narcissist pursued me, won, and married me and then cheated on me pursuing other women). Thankfully, I saw the light and threw him out. But WHY didn’t I see his true colors sooner? You are correct: I became emotionally attached too soon to see clearly his actions were not matching words. Had I paid closer attention I would have seen he was NOT a man of integrity, just a man smooth with words. Thank you, Christy, for sharing and teaching women. I needed you 11 years ago and I hope and pray to help other women not make the same mistakes I had made due to low self-esteem.
These principles also work with any relationship. It’s so important to observe someone’s character before we give them our trust. Trust shouldn’t be given freely until it’s earned. Otherwise, we may end up expecting someone to behave the capacity of their character. The result is that we end up with disappointment and hurt that could have been avoided.
We can do a test run or a trial to see if someone is trustworthy by seeing how they respond to a small favor or request. If they are not faithful with little, don’t trust them with something more valuable.
Beautifully said Christy. As I read this I realize I made BOTH mistakes in my last relationship which is still ending. I just moved out. Yet, God is good. He led me to your devotional on you version which led me to buy “Love Junkies”. It’s a wonderfully pragmatic book. I have soooooo much work to do on myself before I even think about a new relationship. Thanks for giving us the benefit of your experience and insight. May God continue to bless you.