“he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth” (Hosea 6:3b).
As I dressed for work, I pondered the question that had troubled me for months. Exactly what is my destiny? Now that my children were older, my career as an Executive Soccer Mom was slated for retirement. It was time for new endeavors.
One more coat of mascara should do the trick, I told myself, making sure not to look at the scripture taped on the mirror: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer 29:11). Even though I knew the verse by heart, I wasn’t convinced about God’s plan to give me a hope and a future.
God, I wish you would clue me in on Your plans for me! Careful not to let a tear escape and ruin Maybelline’s artwork, I screwed the mascara wand into place and headed out the door to work. My turmoil was concealed—at least on the outside.
I had been struggling with destiny issues ever since my son Jake died in a tragic automobile accident several years earlier. Until then, I thought I knew my purpose. It was uncomplicated. I was solely and contentedly a mother. When Jake died, however, my life was altered forever: Suddenly, I felt compelled to write.
I had never written much of anything before, but now writing seemed mandatory, an expression I couldn’t stop. I had to write. I had to heal. I never thought that writing would be something I would choose for a living. What was crafted on paper was too transparent to expose. Besides, all my life, my friends commented on my creativity.
“You should open a shop, Christy.”
“You should be a decorator!”
“You are so creative, Christy.”
The accolades from friends never ceased, but like a screwdriver trying to rotate a stripped screw, they never quite gripped me. To me, the real beauty in anything I created was below the surface. Without the ability to articulate the inspiration for my design, my efforts felt unrewarded. Since my degree was in Finance, education and experience trumped artistry and I was drawn back to my comfort zone—banking.
“Good morning, Christy,” announced Marta as I rushed into the office. “Just look at you today. Where do you come up with these ideas for your outfits? You are so creative!”
There is was again.
I stared at the beige burlap walls surrounding the confines of my cubical. I did my best to decorate my cube, but with wall-to-ceiling panels of never-ending jute, even Martha Stewart would have upholstery overload. This was one time, however, I was grateful to be barricaded by burlap.
My nose stung as I fought back the hot tears. I really don’t belong here.
Although Marta’s comment was intended to flatter me, instead, I felt provoked—provoked to face the reality that I was in the wrong place. But there was no time to brood. My screen flickered indicating I had a caller on the line. I repressed my regrets and shifted into business mode. “HUD’s National Servicing Center,” I answered as if my voice was on autopilot.
By the end of the day, I felt emotionally exhausted. I wanted to run home to my favorite recovery group—Law and Order Alamode, but one of my friends was doing a presentation at a writers group I recently joined, and I didn’t want to miss it. Little did I know, her topic was on creativity.
Jenny presented research that explored creativity levels at various stages of life. “We are all born with a measure of creativity, but studies show by the age of seven, the use of creativity drops to an average of ten percent.”
Hmmm…Sounds like my destiny.
When the meeting was over at nine o’clock, I was long overdue for some TV and dairy therapy. I said my good-byes and headed out the door. Black clouds dumped huge buckets of rain from the previously clear skies. By the time I got to my car, I felt like I had just gotten off the Acapulco Cliff Dive at White Water.
I don’t want to drive in this rain! I groaned as my soaked body plopped into the driver’s seat. I turned on the ignition and the radio to listen to the weather forecast.
“100 percent chance of rain today,” the announcer began.
Duh. I thought as pellets of rain pounded against my windshield.
“Thunderstorm warning effective until 10:00 pm this evening. Chance of precipitation for tomorrow drops to ten percent.”
The last words of the weatherman seemed to echo with each swish of the wiper blades. Ten-percent. Ten-percent.
As I strained to see through the blinding rain, I couldn’t help but wonder. Was my destiny like tomorrow’s weather forecast? God intended a downpour, but had I settled for a small percentage of what He planned for my life?
Waiting at the light for my turn to proceed, I listened to the rain beat against the pavement. I realized how much my purpose was like the rain—created in heaven and destined to be released. Suddenly, the storm didn’t seem so bad. Although my purpose to write had been restrained, now I knew—it’s time for a downpour.
I reconciled with my destiny that day. Creativity that had been bound up for years has since been released. With writing, I’ve found the fulfillment to articulate the inspiration for my designs. And even though my projects are not crafted with fabric or thread, I am designing again—designing with words.
Prayer: Lord, I am so thankful that You created me for a marvelous purpose. When life gets in the way of my ability to discern your direction, help me to rest and wait for clarity. I never want to get ahead of You. I always want You to go before me. Amen.
Scriptures to Ponder:
- In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will (Ephesians 1:11).
- The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands (Psalm 138:8).
- Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails (Proverbs 19:21).
- Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain (Psalm 127:1).
Questions to Ponder:
- Read Proverbs 19:21 above. How do you discern the difference between the plans of your heart and the Lord’s purpose?
- What do you think God has created you to do or be? If you haven’t considered this before, what talents or special abilities has God given you?
- Have you gone through seasons of life where you feel your purpose has shifted? If so, explain.
- Read Psalm 138:8 above. Have you ever felt like the psalmist? Do you have talents that are lying dormant that you wish the Lord would revive? If so, what are they?
How do you always seem to speak right into my situation each month?! I know it’s the Holy Spirit speaking into my life through you. Thank you for speaking the truth so eloquently by examining your own life through the microscope. Your courage is inspiring. Praise God for you! I’m proud to be your friend.
Loved this one, Christy. I can remember the night of that rain. I started a little devotional about it in my “writing” notes. I’ll go back and re read your whole e-votional a couple of times now that I’m in writing mode again—after such a dry spell, I’m sure there is more in it for me.
I just loved the Downpour of Destiny. It has really touched me in a deep place. I am praying over the questions to ponder and I am going to focus on the scriptures cited. Thank you for touching me with your words. I truly need them for this year.
Your devotionals, your gut wrenching ability to share your
deepest thoughts and struggles plucks at my own heart and life issues.
I so agree with Gaye and Cynthia. Your a wonderful instrument of the Precious Holy Spirit. I too am touched deeply by your words…I love your words, “God intended a downpour, but have I setttled for a small percentage of what he planned for my life? Much to ponder.
haha Gaye…examing my life through a microscope. Hmmm. Us writers have to be see through, I mean “transparent”.
I’m quoting these scriptures today right along with ya’ll! I’m believing God is doing a new thing in all of our lives!
Thanks for all the encouragement GFs!
You are in inspiration to many because your life purpose seems to be to follow where God is leading. That really translates into obedience and that is an important lesson for all of us. Since God uses people to do His work, the encouragement of others is often the Voice of God.
Thank you for your testimony in writing. God is speaking through you and many are listening.
God bless you as you start a new year in Him and in His leading. He is our source for everything.
Once again you spoke right to my situation and my heart. It is amazing how faithful the LORD is! I really enjoy the lessons GOD teaches through you, Christy. I can’t wait for the “Candlelight with Christ” dinner at Holy Trinity in Feb. Yet…
I just found out that I am going to host my own live radio show! That idea is thrilling and scary and your blog gave me a ton of comfort. A thought came muddling through my brain….why couldn’t Christy come on the radio show (studio is in OKC) and talk, share, read her blog?? My intent is to have an hour of faith-filled stories of goodness, helpfulness, love and hope and LOT OF MUSIC. I want people to celebrate life, not fear it. The goal is to build people up in what is right and true and neverending! I can’t wait to share my ideas with you!
Thank you Christy for your encouraging words spoken so wonderfully in your candid article. You have a unique way
of being transparent, and sharing in such a refreshingly honest
way your thoughts that so many of us can relate to in our own
life experiences. I have been there so often it seems in,
“I really don’t belong here”. Though we will all at times find ourselves in places we don’t want to be, or feel we belong,
it’s amazing how God can use us in those times, and then bring us out in His timing to a place that is more of a perfect
fit, using our talents and abilities He gave us. This article encouraged me because I am seeking God for where I’m at in my life, and asking Him what He wants me to do.
I really appreciate your article and scriptures.
May God continue to bless you in your writing,
That is who you are!! You are simply
beautiful!! God’s nature flows to you and
through you. Keep up the heavenly flow!!