Conflict doesn’t have to be scary. Still, when conversations get uncomfortable, our defense mechanisms often step in and block real resolution.

But you're about to change that!

This workbook on defense mechanisms offers practical, faith-infused wisdom to strengthen your communication skills in every relationship—family, children, parents, friendships, and church (yes, even there). You’ll also find gain insight for healthier interactions at work, in volunteer settings, around the neighborhood, and with everyday acquaintances.

You’ll learn to recognize your own patterns—and the defenses the important people in your life tend to use—so you can build awareness, calm the tension, and communicate with greater clarity.

These principles take time to master. Revisit the lessons often. Growth usually comes in increments: some days bring a burst of clarity; other days feel slow and steady. Don’t grow weary in well-doing. Take it one step and one truth at a time. Little by little, your confidence will grow.

Before you dive into the curriculum, I've got a fun question for you. It may help you understand in general terms how you typically respond when you feel triggered. 

How do you typically deal with conflict?

• I'm a turtle. I avoid conflict and retreat into safety. 
• I’m a dog. I'm happy to talk and please others when they're friendly but I tuck my tail and run when I’m rebuked.
• I tend to be a bear. My claws are out and I’m ready to attack.

So what did you think? Do you avoid, try to please or attack? Knowing your typical defensive posture will give you valuable insight as you work through this curriculum.

My friend, stronger communication starts now! Awareness of your defenses is the first step to change.

So here you go! I'm excited for the knowledge and freedom you are about to gain.

Below you'll find a video, Overcoming Vulnerabilities, and your Defense Mechanisms workbook. I've also included one of my favorite tools, the Color of Feelings Chart, and a few recommendations of some of my favorite books on relationships and communication. 

Simply click on the images below to access the video and workbook.

Feel free to download the workbook to print out, but if you prefer, you can save it as a pdf so you can use the edit tools to insert your answers online. Just be sure to save it when you're done so you don't lose your answers.  

Color of Feelings Chart

The Color of Feelings Chart below can be a great tool to help you identify your emotions. If you've tended to stuff your feelings or deny your emotions this can be a wonderful resource to refer to during your journey to healthier communication.

Identifying how you feel is important because God can't restore what you continue to ignore. 

Self-awareness is vital to your recovery.  Being able to name your emotions can also give you the insight to recognize the enemy's strategy. He doesn't want you to experience the gifts of happiness, safety and freedom. 

Therefore, your emotions can motivate you to take back what the enemy has tried to steal from you. For example, notice the emotions that are opposite of each of the scared, angry and sad categories. 

If you struggle with feelings of anger in the red triangle like betrayal, resentment or disgust, the enemy of your soul had assaulted your freedom, the green area of feelings. Of course he uses people and circumstances to do his bidding, but ultimately, his goal is to prevent you from experiencing any of the feelings in the green triangle. He will strategically use offences to destroy your capacity to feel the goodness of God. Why? Because he loses his power when you feel free, valued, loved and  complete.

If you struggle with feelings of sadness, hopelessness, guilt or shame in the orange triangle, perhaps the enemy has discovered where you are vulnerable and unprotected. He has used circumstances and deception to plot against you. His goal is to steal your happiness and joy, the yellow area of feelings. Why? Because he is threatened by your strength. He knows that the joy of the Lord is your strength and he wants you to walk in weakness. On the contrary, God longs for you to experience happiness. He wants you to feel alive, connected, joyful and excited. 

Maybe sadness and anger are not your biggest threats, but what about fear and anxiety? Wrapping you in worry and rejection is another ploy of the enemy. He wants you to feel paralyzed, afraid, overwhelmed and abandoned, but God's desire is that you walk in safety, the blue area of feelings. He wants you to experience feelings of acceptance, security and confidence. 

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12). 

Pause to consider: How does understanding the devil's strategy to keep you bound compel you to take back the freedom, safety and happiness God desires for you? 

When you're done with the curriculum, I hope that you'll refer back to what you've learned. Each conflict in a relationship is an opportunity for growth, an opportunity to apply what you've learned. Here's what God told the Israelites in Deuteronomy 7:22. "The LORD your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you."  

The same is true for you, so don't despise small beginnings. Celebrate the changes God is making in you! And if I can ever be of help to you, you can always contact me for one-on-one coaching. I'd love to help:)

You can find out more on my coaching page.  

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