If so, you've probably read tons of books and blogs on boundaries. You may know why you need them, but learning how to enforce them can be a different story. That's why I've created LOVE U. my exclusive coaching course on all things boundaries.

Setting healthy boundaries sounds easy, but boundaries are one of the most misunderstood relationship topics. Most of the women I coach acknowledge the need for them, but struggle with figuring them out, and then articulating and enforcing them.

Maybe you’ve thought boundaries weren't necessary or even a tad selfish. That you should focus on making your partner and others happy and ignore your own needs. 

With your spouse or boyfriend, maybe you thought it was his job to protect your heart, not yours. That if he loved you, there was no need to set boundaries.

If you've felt this way, what did you do when you were mistreated? Taken advantage of? Lied to? Cheated on? Often the only way to squash the pain and injustice is to ignore it all together. But at some point, the volcano explodes. Anger stuffed inside has to come out somehow.

My first marriage was full of manipulation, control and abuse. And it continued in part because I was naive and nice. I misunderstood the difference between being a peacemaker and a peacekeeper. But I found my way to freedom and I'd love to help you find yours.

I'd love to show you how you can regain your confidence and find your voice again. If you've followed me for any time at all, you know how passionate I am about equipping women to live soul-healthy lives. And I truly believe this one thing: it's not possible to be emotionally healthy and enjoy satisfying relationships without knowing how to communicate and  articulate healthy boundary statements.

Love U Again dives into the practical application of all things boundaries.
I'll teach you everything I learned the hard way. You'll learn how to get STRONG! You'll discover how to:

Some women have been coerced with narcissistic notions that submission and surrender obligate them to say yes. 

That somehow it’s more Godly to be agreeable. That's twisted truth and it makes you a magnet for manipulation.

I'm compelled to set the record straight. You're supposed to let your yes be yes and your no mean no. The good news is that you don’t have to allow your partner or others to trespass against you. The Bible says, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor,” not "Thou shalt please thy neighbor.

That was my wake up call. Now I was finally ready to set my very first boundary. We all have to start somewhere. It doesn't matter where. The important thing is that we JUST START.

What I wanted was a neat home and as far as I could tell, my husband couldn't care less. So here's what I did. I told him that I’d be happy to do his laundry if he put his dirty clothes in the hamper. BUT, and here's the communicated consequence: if I had to pick up his things, I’d put them in a different laundry basket and I would not do that laundry.

Guess what happened? Despite his persistent promises, My husband didn’t change. Not one bit. He still didn’t pick up his dirty clothes, but an amazing thing happened to my peace. I was no longer angry. I’d finally learned how to quit allowing his actions to control me.

Like I said earlier, this may seem like a trivial example, but until I made a decision to set boundaries for smaller irritations I'd never be able to enforce them in more difficult situations. Before I learned how to communicate and enforce boundaries, daily frustrations build into huge mountains of anger. Just like a small splinter causes much pain, it’s the little foxes that spoil the vine. 

What if I just ran away because I got fed up? I never would have learned to find my personal strength. Furthermore, my weaknesses would have pushed me into another toxic relationship and caused me to repeat the cycle all over again .  

What if I just prayed and stayed? Absolutely prayer works, but we need more than prayer. When it comes to control, manipulation, abusive behavior or narcissistic tendencies, we need to reclaim our strength and put faith and feet with our prayers.

Proverbs 5:9 even tells us: Don’t give your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel. When we sit back and comply because we're afraid to confront, we give others permission to take advantage of us. 

Let me give you some clarity on what I mean and what I don't mean.

First, I don't mean that you can change his behavior by teaching him, lecturing him or giving him advice.  None of that works with a man who has no respect for others. Words are meaningless. Action and leverage are necessary. 

What I do mean is this: your tolerance gives him the illusion that his behavior is acceptable and places no demand on him to change. 

Without boundaries, your actions communicate that you won't contest his treatment and that makes you vulnerable to his continued control. Either through your unwillingness to confront abuse or inappropriate behavior, a lack of boundaries or an unwillingness to walk away, you'll send the message that you'll accept his control, manipulation or abuse. 

Without boundaries, you feel stuck and end up frustrated and angry with him. Whether it’s because you want his approval, feel guilty for saying no, or are afraid of confrontation, living life as a doormat is never what God intends.

And it's never too late.

I have lots of women in their 30's, 40's and 50's and even 60's enroll in LOVE U Again, but often more mature women think they're too old to join. I hate it when they think that, because you'll learn in Kelsey's story that after 50 years of being in a toxic relationship, she finally found the courage to set boundaries and put an end to the emotional and narcissistic abuse. Kelsey is proof that it's NEVER too late to reclaim your emotional freedom in Christ.

Have you ever noticed where boxers keep their hands in a fight? In front of their heart. 

Boxers know how important it is to guard their heart so they can stay in the fight. If they get hurt, then all their efforts are spent recovering from their injuries instead of staying in the ring. The same is true in relationships. If we don't set boundaries to keep others from hurting us we waste lots of time cleaning up the mess from our own emotional injuries.

Even Proverbs 4:23 advises us to guard our heart, for out of it flows the issues of life. 

When we don't utilize boundaries it's easy to get worn out with disappointment, anger, self-pity and depression. So next time you think you are doing the "Christian thing" by saying yes when you really meant "no", consider this: No is a very spiritual word. No is a simple, but great boundary. Even Jesus didn't say yes to everything.  

How I can relate to her story! Maybe you can too. Before I learned how to set healthy boundaries,

Setting boundaries was difficult at first, I'm not gonna lie. But like anything, I learned that the more I practiced them, the easier they became and the more freedom and peace I enjoyed. 

Here's what you'll get:  

CHRIS SCHOUP
Nurse, Realtor and Mom

If you've subscribed to one of my YouVersion plans or watched any of the Love Junkies teaching series, you know I'm passionate about what I do. Through the truth in God's word, I'm committed to helping you overcome the false beliefs and obstacles that have kept you stuck. 

The most spiritual word I ever learned was how to say "no" and NOT feel guilty."